I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
