nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
