So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
