its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
