dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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