I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
