it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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