girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
