we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
