did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
