I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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