I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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