Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
