took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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