yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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