dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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