she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
