Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
