stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
