Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
