Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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