My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
