I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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