I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
