Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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