i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
