and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
