I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
