Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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