I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
