tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
