I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
