One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
