dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i've created a new STD.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Let's get the cat blown out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
