I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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