Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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