Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
