So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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