Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
