I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
