Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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