My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
