I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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