drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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