he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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