You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
