It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
