I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
