Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize