i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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