im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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