somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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