i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if i died would you start the facebook group?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
