I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
