I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
