Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Small penises have feelings too.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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