Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
