Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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