Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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