woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
