come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
