Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
