wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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