I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
