Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
