Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
