8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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