You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
