also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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