Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
