ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
