I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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