he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dicks are not precious.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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