and you said cock pushups were impossible
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
