If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
