porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
