I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize
