Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
