Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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