Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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